We arrived on Saturday and our sole wish for the evening was to go to Strip Hop- a strip/dance club from the music video “Rack City” (http://youtu.be/SCFnewbghps) which we found out would not be poppin’ till like 3 a.m. (which would feel like 4 to me) so I decided to shower and take a nap. About three hours later we met up with Melvin and his friends and went to a club (can’t remember the name) around midnight- which was amazing because the music was awesome and I was the only white person there (YAY!). It was also nice because there was no smoking allowed in the main dance room.
The lady behind us is hating.
After almost three hours we were anxious to hit up Strip Hop so we made our way over there. I have never seen so many big bare booties in my life! There were four main stages with two poles on each that were centered in the dance floor. I was sincerely impressed with some of the tricks these half-naked ladies could do on those poles like I mean they were prob 12 feet tall, on a platform and the would be all the way at the top of them upside down hanging by only their thighs. RIGHT?? With my muscles (or lack of), I would have surely slid right down to my death but they gracefully circled down usually flipping at some point to land in a split. That is what I call mad skills.
Lizette and I also put some dollars on a nice stripper who seemed very polite. I think she was stripping for a cause- like to go to college or something. She gave us lap dances- another first. When it was her turn to take the stage we also supported by throwing some dollars on her. I discovered I am very skilled at making it rain. Somewhere around 5:30 a.m. a big brawl broke out when someone knocked out an NBA player that was there (Marcus something or another) with a bottle. Naturally his whole crew was ready to fight (including Melvin who is related to him somehow)- I was very intrigued to watch but when cops and security started showing up and half the place we swinging punches we realized we should probably get our car from valet. We didn’t get back till after six and I slept from then until 10 a.m. got up, had breakfast then slept again until 2. Lizette and I decided this lifestyle was not easy. I don’t know how Melvin does it!
Almost couldn't get in since I am a pimp.
The NBA guy throwing some money
Poles!
Notice the stripper behind us :)
I was pretty much wiped out the rest of that afternoon- I mean I didn’t sleep till seven in the morning- so it was uneventful and I was cranky. Me – Sleep = Evil lady. I almost wasn’t going to go out but on a whim decided to suck it up and go with them. So that night we went to Vanity at the Hard Rock Hotel which plays awesome music and is very well ventilated (read: less smoke). Also it has the most beautiful bathrooms I’ve ever seen. Like I wanted to stay in there all night. The best part about that night though was running into a regular at the club we frequent in SLC. She is about forty and her club outfit of choice is always shiny, satin, tight, short and strapless. Usually a jewel tone or black. She has cropped blonde hair and big tatas (I assume they are fake but who knows) and she has a serious case of jungle fever. Naturally she was trying to hit on Melvin and Aaron (being the good friend that I am, I watched and laughed rather than helping them out). To be real, she is kind of a ho and I take great pleasure in judging her cougar-esque conquests. (You go girl!)
I look awful but Melvin looks so happy about our free table
Aaron and Lizette
Amazing bathroom that I'm obsessed with
Monday during the day I got a little pool time in (jealous?) but it was pretty cloudy and I was bored so it didn’t last long. That night we had planned to go to Marque (because Melvin, our local club tour guide, told us Mondays at Marque are off the chain). We found out that there was going to be performance there by Red Foo (the guy with the fro from LMFAO) so since I pretty much want to be friends with him, I was pretty excited about it. That day we did some serious shopping for bomb shoes for the night before going to a mind boogling variety show at planet Hollywood which we loved. Finally after the show we found the shoes we were looking for (Lizette’s were six inches tall making her a record-breaking height of 5’5”) and got ready the fasted ever since it was sure to be packed.
Well packed it was. The line was out of control. So we figured, why not try one of the promoters- maybe we could pull some strings. I went up to a friendly fellow who was probably about 5’2” and said, “I think I might be on some kind of list or something…” and believe it or not he pretty much slapped wristbands on us and walked us inside. No line, no paying. That is how everything in my life should be I think. When we got inside, all three floors were absolutely PACKED. And our feet were starting to hurt (especially mine). So we were pretty much over it and about to leave when a guy comes up to us, explains that he is a promoter for the club and offers us our own table. No joke. For free. I love my life. Then when we were tired for the night, on the way out we ran into (drum roll) RED FOO. Who is every bit as funny and pimpin’ in person as he is on his music videos. We didn’t get a picture with him though so that was super depressing.
Even though we vowed to go to bed early that night we didn’t go to sleep till three however passed out immediately and I slept until like 1:30 p.m. And when I woke up the sweats I had been wearing were on my arms and I had just dreamed I was a sea creature. So pretty much I think I did drugs with Red Foo and just forgot about that part.
Since Tuesday was our last night we decided we weren’t going to go out that night and spent about 5-7 hours gambling. We played on a $5 blackjack table for hours without losing money (because we had put so little in) and Lizette kept gambling long after I threw in the towel. Yes, she is still addicted- don’t judge.
That night we decided to go gamble at the Paris since it was next door to our hotel (Planet Hollywood) and on our way out I ran into someone I met at our club out here about a year ago who gave us wristbands to the Chateau the club inside the Paris. Trust me, I wasn’t feeling the idea until I found out they had a wide variety of candy and sweet treats FOR FREE inside. Being a fat child on the inside I couldn’t say no. And that is how we went clubbing four consecutive nights in a row (a streak which we managed to continue when we got home to reach an all time high of 8 nights.)
CANDY!
SNOW CONES!!
Peace out Vegas, for now!
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